First, let me be honest. I never saw Twilight. I've never even read a book where a vampire was a character-but before you bite me, read my take on the newest installment of this series that has sunken its teeth into teenage girls and their lonely moms everywhere (I'll try to stop the vampire puns, if possible.)
NEW MOON sees the return of our heroes, that pale guy with the cool hair and that skinny girl who never smiles. At the end of the first film, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart found themselves turned into real life vampires who can only come out at night cloaked in clever disguises because if they ever walked into the light their obsessed fans would tear them to pieces. NEW MOON continues to play on this theme with that other muscular guy who's in the movie saying, "It's gotten to the point where I can't even do laundry in my building. The women rip my shirts and underwear before I get them washed. As a result, I haven't put on a shirt in days." Now, this is only the story behind the story. The actual plot of NEW MOON tells the saga of a brooding vampire stud who stares longingly into the eyes of his dour girlfriend for hours at a time in perfectly lit, CGI enhanced backdrops. The couples staring and brooding is only broken by the phases of the moon, which are: New, Waxing, Waning, and that phase that makes that guy turn into a scary wolf.
This film is recommended for pale people, blood donors, and anyone who wants to make Stephenie Meyer richer.
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